I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
