Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
