I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
