I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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