Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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