I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MIDGETS
????
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
