i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
