made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
