roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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