yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
