So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
