I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
