if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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