Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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