i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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