I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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