after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
