i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
