For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
