Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
