Cold hands, warm shart.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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