I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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