Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
