wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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