Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She's JV to your varsity
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
