I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
