I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
