she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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