I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
