I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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