They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
