if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
