Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
