when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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