then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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