its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
