first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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