wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my being single is dangerous.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
