we're chasing vodka with high fives
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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