Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
porn star boner night. come get it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
