I can text with my tongue
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
