Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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