Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will be naked everywhere
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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