My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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