I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
