Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
