my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
