I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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