this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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