I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
