Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
